Sunday, April 8, 2012
Classics of Crap Volume 31: Kazaam
Ok, this movie is painful. Seriously painful. Whenever I do a Classic of Crap, I always re-watch the movie so I can look at it again with fresh eyes, but this one almost broke me. Kazaam is quite possibly one of the most unwatchable 'kid's' movies I've ever seen. Granted, I haven't seen all the bargain basement trash, like Cop Dog, or Land Before Time 38: The Search For a New Franchise, but this one is a new low. I remember in the mid 90's movie studios put the biggest basketball stars into movies. Dennis Rodman and Michael Jordan tried their hand at acting in future CC contenders, Double Team and Space Jam, respectively. Shaq, already shown to be a natural presence onscreen in Blue Chips, was apparently given a dumptruck full of money to appear as a rappin' genie in Kazaam. Words can not describe how awful this movie is to watch. The tag line on the DVD cover pretty much sums it up: "He's a rappin' genie-with-an-attitude, and he's ready for slam-dunk fun!" Get it? Cause Shaq (the actor) plays basketball. GET IT??? Oy. Where do I begin with this crap? Annoying as balls kid releases genie Kazaam from his prison in, get ready, a BOOMBOX, whereupon he delights (torments) us with an awful rap song. I don't remember much after that, since the Clorox bleach I poured in my eyes pretty much caused me to miss most of the movie. Basically, wishes are granted, candy bars rain from the sky, and I waste 2 hours of precious, precious life I will never get back. F this movie.