Sunday, February 26, 2012

Classics of Crap Volume 26: Pink Flamingos

Just when you think you've seen it all, filmmaker John Waters comes along and wakes you up with Pink Flamingos: probably the most famous example of "Bad Taste Cinema" ever. John Waters was reportedly high when he wrote this hilariously disgusting ode to the Filthiest People Alive. This film includes a singing anus, chicken sex, an egg-obsessed obese snaggletooth in a crib, and perhaps most memorable of all, cinema's first consumption of dog feces by a transvestite. Hoo-boy, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I love John Waters' boldness to push against the boundries of taste. This movie is shocking today, I can scarcely imagine what people must have thought about it in 1972. The movie is completely amateurish by Hollywood standards, but we aren't in Hollywood here, boys and girls. This film is so perverse and bizarre, most viewers won't be able to bear it. If you're brave however, there is a lot to like here.

Sample scene:

Sunday, February 19, 2012

CLASSICS OF CRAP: VOLUME 25-The Wicker Man(2006)

Hey guys and gals, and welcome to a special anniversary edition of Classics of Crap. This is my 25th drawing honoring the best of the worst movies of all time. I still have lots more to go, but this is a big milestone for me. I have been doing one of these a week for 25 straight weeks, and it is one of the most enjoyable things I've ever done. I hope you are like them as well!

That said, for the 25th CoC, I wanted to paint one of the my favorite nutball actors in one of his nuttiest performances. Nicholas Cage, once a deeply respected actor, as of late has become almost synonymous with over the top acting histrionics, starring in what are essentially glorified B-Movies like Drive Angry, Ghost Rider, Trespass, Bangkok Dangerous, Season of the Witch, etc. It seemed odd to me that he would star in The Wicker Man. Adapted by Neil LaBute from a 70's genre classic, it is probably most famous today as a YouTube video of all of Cage's over the top freaky line readings. I highly encourage you to seek it out- it's more entertaining than the actual movie, trust me. This movie is mostly a slog to sit through, but Cage makes it extremely entertaining. Two words: Bear Suit. Be sure to stick around for the end, where you will see legendary actress Ellen Burstyn dressed like a cross between the Island of Dr. Moreau and Braveheart, feeding Nick Cage a bag of bees. And remember, HOW'D IT GET BURNED???

Saturday, February 11, 2012


Welcome back gang, to another edition of Classics of Crap. Today we are looking at a really, really obscure movie called Hobgoblins. Originally made in 1988, I actually discovered this movie in a crappy, hole in the wall video store while I was in college. Amused by the box art, I watched it and couldn't believe how shockingly, howlingly, mindbendingly amateurish it was. (There are actually more than a few instances where the filmmakers literally forgot to remove the tape marks to indicate the spots where the actors need to stand.) I decided I had found a new unknown camp masterpiece, and I showed it to everyone I could drag to my apartment. Years later, I discovered that Mystery Science Theater 3000 did a great commentary track and I've watched it over and over. If you can track down an original copy of the movie, I would recommend it. There's some great scenes that aren't on the MST3K version, and every craptacular frame of this film is worth watching. I have seen this movie possibly more times than a human being should, and it earns my highest recommendation as a true Classic of Crap.

Monday, February 6, 2012


Welcome back to Classics of Crap, where this week we are celebrating bad shark movies. Boy oh boy, was it hard to choose what to draw. There have been SO many good/bad ones, trying to pick just one to spotlight in this column was tough. Sure, there is sharksploitation camp like MegaShark Vs. Giant Octopus, or even one of the most laughably unscary shark attack movies ever made, Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. I eventually settled on a shark vs. human movie that people may have actually heard of. Deep Blue Sea was probably pitched as "Jaws on Crack", because that's how it feels at times. The movie stars supermodel Saffron Burrows (who the film wastes no time getting into her underwear), the awesomely underrated Thomas Jane, and Samuel L. Jackson, (essentially playing the part of the lawyer in Jurassic Park), and a foul mouthed parrot. The film is probably best remembered today for the way (SPOILER ALERT) that Samuel L. Jackson gets eaten. He meets his end in a supremely unexpected and hilarious way. I liked Deep Blue Sea as a campy action movie, but it is utterly preposterous and impossible to take very seriously. Best part: when the sharks introduce Stellen Starsgard to a pane of underwater glass.