Classics of Crap Volume 32: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Gee, I have a really stupid idea for a movie! It would be about man eating tomatoes! We'll just throw a bunch of tomatoes at people and it would be hilarious!" You might have had a thought like this flit through your mind, but being the sane and responsible person you are, you probably just decided to leave it at that and go about your day. Well, the people who made Attack of the Killer Tomatoes didn't just leave it there. No, they actually went ahead and made this stupid movie idea. And it was every bit as crappy and useless as you can imagine a movie about killer tomatoes could be. Still, you gotta give the filmmakers credit. It was a pretty novel idea, and practically hand made for stoned college kids of the 70's. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is an obscure movie in which tomatoes have decided to turn on mankind. They start out small, but as they grow in power, they enlarge their size so pretty soon they are the size of monster truck wheels. They chase people around until they are beaten by the undeniable power of "Puberty Love". If you don't know what that is, you'll have to watch the movie. There was a sequel called Return of the Killer Tomatoes, which starred an then unknown George Clooney. (I wonder if he still has that movie on his resume´?) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a milestone in cult movie history. It's got a few good chuckles, but definitely earns it's title as a Classic of Crap.

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 28-30

Huzzah! I finished my 30 day drawing challenge. The pics here are, from top to bottom, the finish line piece, "anything you want", which I drew a judge for my friend Joseph, and lastly, a pic of a place you'd like to visit. I would love to take a trip to North California and see Pixar studios, where some of my favorite animated films are made. Of course, I would like to do more than just VISIT, but ahem...anyway. Thank you to everyone who took time to click and look at my blog over the course of this month, I really appreciated all your great comments! This drawing challenge was so much fun, my friends and I are about to start another one! So, get ready, for 30 day drawing challenge part 2: Electric Boogaloo! If you want details of how YOU can join our challenge (we will be posting on a facebook page), please contact me and I will get you the info. Take care guys! :D

Life Drawing Poses

Drawing pictures of crappy movies isn't the only artistic thing I do. Lately, I have been attending a lot of life drawing sessions at art galleries and clubs. Here are a bunch of sketches I did yesterday at Gallery GoDo in Los Angeles. Lots of great faces and bodies to draw! Each character is 7-20 min. Red pencil and brush pen, with browns added in Photoshop.

Classics of Crap Volume 31: Kazaam

Ok, this movie is painful. Seriously painful. Whenever I do a Classic of Crap, I always re-watch the movie so I can look at it again with fresh eyes, but this one almost broke me. Kazaam is quite possibly one of the most unwatchable 'kid's' movies I've ever seen. Granted, I haven't seen all the bargain basement trash, like Cop Dog, or Land Before Time 38: The Search For a New Franchise, but this one is a new low. I remember in the mid 90's movie studios put the biggest basketball stars into movies. Dennis Rodman and Michael Jordan tried their hand at acting in future CC contenders, Double Team and Space Jam, respectively. Shaq, already shown to be a natural presence onscreen in Blue Chips, was apparently given a dumptruck full of money to appear as a rappin' genie in Kazaam. Words can not describe how awful this movie is to watch. The tag line on the DVD cover pretty much sums it up: "He's a rappin' genie-with-an-attitude, and he's ready for slam-dunk fun!" Get it? Cause Shaq (the actor) plays basketball. GET IT??? Oy. Where do I begin with this crap? Annoying as balls kid releases genie Kazaam from his prison in, get ready, a BOOMBOX, whereupon he delights (torments) us with an awful rap song. I don't remember much after that, since the Clorox bleach I poured in my eyes pretty much caused me to miss most of the movie. Basically, wishes are granted, candy bars rain from the sky, and I waste 2 hours of precious, precious life I will never get back. F this movie.

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 24-27

Hey guys, and thanks for coming back for another round of sketches! In order, the themes are "Something you hate", for which I drew the Star Wars prequels. "A couple", "Someone you love"(my lovely girlfriend, Maria), and "Scenery".

Can Can Dancer life drawings

Here are some 3-10 minute sketches from last Thursday's sketch session in Glendale. Not crazy about any of these, but I thought I'd post them anyway.

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 21-23

Hey guys, thanks for coming back to check out some new drawing challenge doodles. These three images represent "Something you you want", "Something you miss", and "Something you need". For "Something You want", it would probably be to ride a pet Xenomorph while wearing a Batman costume and brandishing a lighsaber. (Double bladed, of course). Why? Because, why not??
For "Something you miss", it would probably have to be low gas prices. Holy cow, is it getting nuts out there.
And lastly, for "Something you need", it would have to be a nice, slow backrub by Natalie Portman dressed in her arena outfit in Attack of the Clones. Boy, you guys sure are getting a disturbing look inside my nerdy mind, lol. Anyway, thanks for stopping by my blog, and as always, I'd love to hear your comments!

Classics of Crap Volume 30: Citizen Kane

Hi guys, and welcome back to another edition of Classics of Crap. Today's crap movie is the utterly overrated and overpraised Citizen Kane. Honestly, I have no idea why this movie is considered a great film. It's in black and white, the dialogue makes no sense, and it's all about some fat rich guy. Who cares! The protagonist has no character arc, other than he gets mad, breaks things and pushes everyone around. Hooray. Also, he misses his sled. Are you serious, Hollywood? This is such a load of bollocks.

Where do I begin with this movie? It's utter crap from the first frame. I was nodding asleep by the 10 minute mark. The plot of Zardoz makes more sense than Citizen Kane. Don't get me started on the awful cinematography. How can we tell what's going on if it's not in color? Anyway, you probably haven't seen this movie, but if you are stuck in some dreary college film studies course, they may try to force you to watch it. I recommend stabbing yourself in the eye with the nearest sharp object. This is the worst film ever made, and trying to watch it will just drive you to suicide.

Also, April Fools.

Life Drawing @ the Drawing Club

Here are some life drawings of a model dressed as Michael Jackson at this week's Drawing Club in LA. The first page is 15 minute poses, and the second were 5-7. For info on this public drawing club please go here: http://www.thedrawingclub.com/

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 16-20

Hey guys! Sorry for the absense. There was no Classic of Crap this week due to my moving apartments. I'm just now catching up with coloring my drawing challenge illustrations. Here we go:

First up is "Just a doodle". I asked my friend Ivan to say the very first word that came into his head. He replied, "Douchebag", and though I'm sure he was referring to me, I doodled a typical douchebag.

Next is "Favorite Plant". I chose Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors, which is the greatest musical ever made about a singing man eating plant.

Next we had to draw "Something Orange". Fat guy in his underwear stuffing his face with Cheetos came to mind. I wonder what that says about me...

The next challenge is to draw "Something New". I think we all get those moments when we look at our body and see something weird, like a zit, or a random hair, or a carnivorous Lovecraftian monster growing out of our belly.

Last challenge was to draw our inspiration. I get my ideas from an alien parasite that I keep under my sink. His name is Mr. Fluffywhistle.

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 12, 13, 14, 15

Hi guys and thanks so much for visiting my blog! I really appreciate it. So, here are yet some more of the 30 day drawing challenge drawings I'm doing right now with my friends at work.

The top drawing is "Your most recent accomplishment", which I believe is the completion of my second year being a vegetarian (actually, full disclosure: pescaterian). It's really, really tough sometimes, since I would still love to sink my choppers into a double bacon cheeseburger, but oh well.

Next, the assignment said to draw a "comic". I'm not sure if they mean a comic character, or a comic strip, but I decided to draw unfunny prop "comic", Carrot Top. Yikes. Have you seen this guy lately?! He's bloody terrifying!!

The next day, the task was to draw your favorite fairy tale. I adore the story of Beauty and the Beast, and it's also my favorite Disney movie. Rather than draw the beast as some wolf/bear/bison thing, I just made him more of a bizarre circus freak.

For the last pic, the challenge was to do a family portrait. I'm ashamed to admit I rushed through this one, so I kind of skimped out on the bodies and a lot of detail in the faces. Come back in a few days for some more art, as the 30 day drawing challenge continues!! I always appreciate comments, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Classics of Crap Volume 29: Zardoz

Let's say you're director John Boorman. You've just directed Deliverance, which was a big hit, and the studio says, go ahead, John. Do whatever you want for your next movie, knock yourself out. I can only imagine what the studio executives faces must have looked like when they were delivered the steaming pile of celluloid known as Zardoz. This is just speculation, but the cast and crew of this movie had to be totally smashed on something when they made this movie. How else can you explain a giant stone head criticizing penises and spewing out guns, and James Bond himself, Sean Connery prancing around in a bright red diaper. (The sad thing is, that the diaper isn't even the most unflattering outfit Sean wears in the movie. That honor belongs to a dirty wedding dress, but the less said about that, the better). I don't know even know where to begin with this movie. It's totally mental, and is absolutely hilarious.

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 10 & 11

Hey guys, here's the next batch of the drawing challenge I'm doing with my work friends. The pic at the top represents "Turning point in my life". For this I chose getting my very first Star Wars action figures. I remember it well. It was just before Return of the Jedi came out, and I received a Chewbacca and Stormtrooper figure. Having never seen the movie, I didn't know who these characters were. (I thought they were a gorilla and a robot, actually.) These two toys turned into several hundred as they began a life long hobby of collecting toys and especially Star Wars toys. The best part? I still have these original figures!

The next challenge is to draw your favorite candy. It was a tough call, but I really enjoy Bumpy Nerds, which are nerd coated jellybeans. If you haven't had these yet, you gotta run and try them, they're amazing! Since just drawing a bag of candy didn't seem like that much fun, I drew a bumpy nerd holding a bag of bumpy nerds.

Also, a bonus pic of Lisbeth Salander from the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Not based on the movie, just my own image of her in my mind. Thanks for reading, and I'd love to hear your comments! :D

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 8 & 9

So for Monday and Tuesday's drawing challenge, the goal was to draw your favorite cartoon character and your favorite TV show of all time. Geez, how do you pick?? So, for my favorite cartoon character I picked Tetsuo from Akira, a hugely influential anime by Katsuhiro Otomo. Tetsuo, toward the end of the movie is fascinating to watch, as his troubled psyche crumbles under the weight of the medical tampering, and he lets his uncontrollable power consume him.

For my favorite TV show, there was only one that lept to the front of my mind. Arguably the greatest and most influential anthology show ever, the Twilight Zone fascinated me as a kid. I loved the dark morality plays, with a (usually) predictable twist, but the shows were so well written, it didn't matter. I chose to illustrate the doctor from the episode "Eye of the Beholder" holding Talky Tina, the killer doll.

Classics of Crap Volume 28: Waterworld

Hey gang! Today's crap movie is a bit water-logged. That's right, it's Waterworld, aka, "Kevin's Gate". This movie at first seemed to have everything going for it. Costner was on top of the world, having just won Oscars for Dances with Wolves. His career was going amazingly well. Turning in a great performance in JFK, as well as great work in the criminally underrated A Perfect World, Costner was about to drop a bomb on his career that he's still never recovered from.

Despite an intriguing premise, the film was almost DOA on arrival, thanks to months of bad press, reports of the director being fired, Costner severely reshaping the film, the sets sinking, and a budget that at the time made Waterworld the most expensive movie ever made. A lot was riding on this film, and, when it arrived, the public shrugged. The movie is now probably better known for being a stunt show at Universal Studios theme parks, and I'd wager a guess that more people have seen the attraction than the actual movie it was based off of. I don't hate Waterworld, but it's such a huge case of wasted opportunity. Crippled by the hubris of the filmmakers, it is currently floating in the sea of five dollar dvd's in your Walmart discount bin.

PS. If you've ever wanted to see Kevin Costner drink his own piss, this is the movie for you.

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 6 & 7

Here's two more drawing challenges that I'm doing with my work friends. The first challenge was to draw your favorite book character that has NEVER been turned into a movie. Thinking of a great literary character that has never been filmed was actually a lot harder than I initially thought, but I settled on one of my favorite books from when I was a kid: The Monster's Ring. It's about a boy who finds a magic ring in an old pawn store and with the twist of it, turns into different monsters. It's a totally awesome book, and I'm frankly amazed that there's never been adapted into a movie. The second drawing is just to draw my favorite word. I have no idea why I settled on "Bouffant", but I like the sound of it I guess.

30 Day Drawing Challenge Days 3,4,5

Here are the next few entries in the drawing challenge I am doing with a bunch of friends from work. From the top: "Best Friends", "Favorite Place", and "Favorite Food", which is this unbelievably delicious Panang Curry I adore from a Thai place a few blocks from my house. Bonus points if you noticed my lightsaber chopsticks. That's right, I own lightsaber chopsticks. Jealous??

30 Day Drawing Challenge

A few friends at work and I are doing a 30 day drawing challenge where we have to draw a specific theme. Since I am too lazy to post once a day, I will post sporadically at best. The first two themes were "Self Portrait" and "Favorite Animal", for which I chose my fat and grouchy kittehs, Milo and Ripley. These are done in pencil, inked in pen with some light Photoshop work over the top.

Sketch time!

A few of my favorite sketchbook doodles from the past 2 weeks or so...

Classics of Crap Volume 27: Rock and Roll Nightmare

Hey nerds, and welcome back to Classics of Crap. 1987 was a great year for crap movies. Superman 4, Over the Top, Mannequin, Jaws-the Revenge, Ishtar, The Gate, and Disorderlies all came out that year. Of course, possibly the crappiest movie of all to come out in 1987 was a super obscure gem called Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare. Jon Mikl Thor wore many hats on this movie, writing, producing, starring, and even writing the music. I would like to shake his hand. The climatic battle in this scene is so awesomely terrible, it must be seen to be believed. John Triton, as played by Jon Mikl Thor, (yes, Thor) faces off against a satan-like demon, which is portrayed by one of the lousiest monster puppets ever. I'm not kidding. The demon taunts our hero(?) with lines like, "This is incredible! It is almost no fun to kill one so stupid as to not know who it is that slays him. You are in my domain, and I will kill you as I have killed your pitiful friends." Un-believable. This scene should be a centerpiece jewel in the B-movie crown of glory, if there was such a thing. I discovered this flick in college and have loved it ever since. I strongly encourage you to watch the final battle on YouTube. Stick it out 'til the end, and you'll see why Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare is a legend of bad moviemaking!